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…to wake up one day again and not feeling like getting out of bed is only the start to what promises to be a long series of incidents in my daily life that make me feel weak, lazy, useless, pathetic and broken.

I feel lost inside my own body; where did the reasonably energetic at least semi-organised person, from as recently as January, go? Life isn’t feeling enjoyable anymore. It’s one stress after another, with even basic looking after myself, like eating/showing, often overwhelming me.

I managed to pretend things weren’t too bad mostly with real life friends at first, or avoid friends/family when at my worst, but I can’t do that anymore - it saps so much of my limited energy and doesn’t do much good. I don’t think most understand what it’s like; some want to but I hate to bring people down with explanations they probably only half want to know.

Others just say ‘it can’t be that bad, stay positive’ or ‘life’s stressful sometimes but we all keep on going don’t we’ as if literally not having the energy due to my body not metabolising adequately is something you can simply push past with enough willpower and overcome illness with attitude. I can try harder, but experience shows I then pay for it later, it only makes it worse overall.

People keep asking how I am expecting it to be better after 4 months, improved, because that’s a fair amount of time for most illnesses people know of but who really wants to hear the answer of ‘Actually, no. It’s just bad in a slightly different way.’

Sometimes I still have the energy to write - that feels like a lifeline because though there’s bad writing and good writing, it’s no right/wrong answer. My malfunctioning brain that is virtually kaput on logic matters can take it easy because writing is what I make of it and I can work at my own pace so it isn’t stressful. When I write I forget my troubles because I’m thinking like someone else, not myself and the rest of reality melts away briefly. I keep wishing I could make writing pay my bills because it’s honestly the only thing I feel any good at in the last few months.

…when you think it’s good but you are still keen to know what other people think and it’s such an iffy time of day / good weather outside that no one has really seen it yet for it to have a hope of any reviews.

sherlolly:

Please go here to see the Sherlolly Fic Award Nominees!  And please reblog this and spread the word!

ALSO!  If you do not see a fic you nominated, please send it to me again here or on ff.  Send the title, author, category and URL. 

I am so slow to react on here because I’ve mostly been zonked out all week recovering from my holiday and packing for moving house but I had the biggest grin the other day when Sherlolly mentioned congrats on my noms and I rushed off to go look at the list.

“Turn Around” is nominated twice! For best romance and best Molly in K-T rated.  Aw, big thanks to anyone who nommed my fic (and hopefully I can update it once my life is less crazy busy in a week or so).

Title: When Does It End (Where Does It Begin)
Author: missyvortexdv/Purpleyin
Rating: MA
Word count: 4466
Warnings: violence, off-screen character deaths, explicit sex
Summary: The whole world died on a Thursday – relegated to little more than animals – however, some of them take a while longer to realise it than the obvious ones who get back up when they shouldn’t.
Characters/Pairings: Sherlock, Molly, Mycroft, John peripherally, Sherlock/Molly.
Spoilers: None

on LJ | on DW | on Ao3 | on FF.net

I remember I got quite a few responses about betareading for Sherlock/Molly when I asked before, when I had a need for a backup beta, but I think bar one possible betareader (who I think is probably busy right now) I didn’t know of anyone willing to help with adult rated fics for that pairing - hence this post.

So, anyone about who wouldn’t mind reading a kind of dark (read apocalyptic) and sort of smutty fic for these two that is undoubtedly at least M/R rated, if not NC-17/MA?